My Testimony- Part One

When I was thinking and praying about starting this blog, I had about a million different thoughts running through my head.  What should I share?  Where should I start?  Would anyone even read it?  Well, regardless, as I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep, I decided that the best place to start, for me, would be where my Christian life began.  I struggled with assurance of salvation for a very long time.  In talking with other people, I realize that I'm not alone in this.  Many people struggle with this, so I'd like to share my story.

I had made a profession when I was four years old.  My brother, who was six at the time, had gotten saved, and if you know anything about what it's like to have a sibling, you'll understand when I say that I didn't know what it was all about, but what I did know was that he had something that I didn't have, and I was jealous.  I went to my parents, telling them that I wanted to be saved, too.  They tried to put me off, assuming, I'm sure, that I wasn't old enough to understand, but I was not to be deterred.  Having been in church all my life, I knew just enough to make me dangerous.  I knew all the right answers to their questions, even if I didn't understand what it meant.  Eventually, I was not to be put off for any longer, I prayed a prayer - and here I will interject that in the years to come, and even to this day, I cannot remember this - and was baptized.

Years passed, and the Lord began to deal with my heart.  I began to experience the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  If you have experienced this, you understand me when I say that it is not pleasant!  But then I was faced with a dilemma.  The Holy Spirit told me that I needed to be saved, but I argued "but I've already been saved!"  And then, as I wrestled with the whole matter, there was that nagging voice that whispered "But what will people say?  They already think I'm saved.  I've taught Sunday School classes and Vacation Bible School classes.  What will they think if I tell them now that I'm not saved?"  Isn't it funny how Satan uses our pride against us?  I wrestled with these thoughts for years.  Thank God for His longsuffering.  I'm glad that He gives us more than one opportunity to be saved.  It was the summer of 2000, at Camp Canaan, when I was fifteen years old, when I finally came to terms with the fact that I did, indeed, need to be saved.  I was finally ready to admit that the profession that I had made when I was a child had not been real, but only a child's jealous need to keep up with her brother.  I'll save the second part of my story, which deals more with my lack of assurance, for another day.  For today, I'll simply say "thank you" to God for not giving up on me.  I hope that you know Jesus as your Savior.  It's the most important relationship that you'll ever have.